1. You realize pretty quickly that life is no longer all about you.
The night following Brayden's birth there were constantly nurses and doctors coming in and out of my room at all hours. Did it matter that I had just pushed a human out of me? Or that I hadn't slept in over 24 hours? Oh no....Brayden was #1 and making sure he was eating, pooping, peeing, had the right temperature, etc those were all the most important things. Of course they did check on me every now and then too ;-) Even now, Kevin and I no longer just throw on some clothes and go to breakfast together on a Saturday morning. We also don't stay up super late anymore on a Friday night because sleep (whenever we can get it) trumps everything else.
2. You wont always know exactly what to do...all of the time.
Throughout my pregnancy I had so many people tell me, "Oh, don't worry you'll just know" whenever I was anxious about something related to being a mom. Sometimes that's absolutely true. There are times I hear Brayden's cry and I know he's just frustrated, not hungry or tired. Sometimes I know that he just wants mommy so I don't even bother asking Kevin to go pick him up. But the whole motherly intuition thing isn't always true 100% of the time. There are times I am absolutely clueless as to whether or not I am doing what is best for Brayden and that's where lots and lots of prayer comes in. I know that God is fully able to help give me the intuition I need for every situation I face as a mom. What a blessing!
3. You will cry. A lot!
No joke, I cry all of the time these days and I really wasn't that emotional/sentimental before I became a mom. I cry when I rock Brayden to sleep and thank God for giving him to me, I cried when Brayden was waking up 3-4 times a night, I cry when Brayden sleeps through the night because I so badly just want to go in and make sure he's okay but that would only result in more crying. I cried in the first few months of breastfeeding. I sometimes cry when he cries. I also cry in just about every movie and TV show that's even slightly sentimental. Crying is real. Get used to it.
4. You will become a Germaphobe.
I don't know how many times I've washed off pacifiers since Brayden was born. I don't know how many times I've had Kevin wash off pacifiers since Brayden was born. For such a little guy he can shoot that paci out of his mouth so fast and so far and once it hits the floor it's definitely contaminated by millions and trillions of germs in the 5 seconds it sat there...you know that right?! ;-) I realize it seems crazy but as a first time mom I want CLEAN and if it's not CLEAN, I will make it clean. Ask me how I'm doing with that by my second or third kid. I hear pacifiers get licked off by mom once they hit the ground and that deems them "clean". Shocking, I know! ;-) The paci scenario is only the beginning but I will admit that I have gotten better with this now that we are approaching month 6 of Brayden's life (don't mind the toys sitting in my kitchen right now waiting to be wiped down).
5. You will get mean when it comes to nap time!
I've always been the type who can sleep through just about anything so if Kevin was making noise or a salesman rang the doorbell or Dasher barked at a guy jogging down the road.....it didn't bother me. But now that I'm a mom it's whole different ballgame. You are more than welcome in our home and if you come by for a visit you will be greeted and treated ever so kindly. However, if Brayden has just fallen asleep for his nap you better believe I won't hesitate to turn the tv down to volume 5 (I'm sorry if you can't hear the dialog) or apologize that "no you may not use the ice maker for your water." Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a little bit....maybe. But naps are serious business around here, especially when you have a baby who doesn't really even take good naps so on the rare occasion that he's been sleeping past his usual 30-45 minute mark, you better believe I will do anything in my power to not disturb him.
6. Say Goodbye to sleep.
Remember the days of sleeping in late on a Saturday morning? Waking up in the middle of the night because you were thirsty not because a baby was crying for you? Curling up in bed to watch Saturday Night Live and then drifting off to dreamland? Yeah, me neither. Even when Brayden has a wonderful night of sleep it's as if my mommy heart cannot allow me to fully go into the deep sleep I used to once enjoy. I sleep with one eye (and ear) open these days. I do occasionally gets little breaks here and there thanks to wonderful grandparents but even then it's not a guarantee I will be able to fall asleep, no matter how exhausted I am, because I'm thinking of all the millions of things I should be doing. Goodbye sleep, you were so good to me. And if you're one of the lucky ones who has a baby who never wakes at night AND takes amazing naps.....well, just wait 'til your second child, I hear all babies are different ;-)
7. If you were a worrier before, just wait!
Worrying has been taken to a whole new level since I became a mom. Is he eating enough? Is he eating too much? Is he sleeping enough? Is he sleeping too much? Is he meeting milestones at the right pace? Does he know how loved he is? Am I spoiling him? Am I being too tough? Is he breathing? Was that a "getting sick" cough or does he just have a tickle in his throat? Is warm enough at night? Is he overheated? Ahhhhhhh these are just a sampling of the thoughts that go through my mind each day. I really do try to be laid back and I think I've done pretty good so far (most of these thoughts stay in my head, by the way, so at least I'm not bothering anyone else with my worrying, right?). The point is, I've always worried about things that mean a lot to me and people who mean a lot to me, so of course the worrying would be even greater now that I am responsible for this little boy's life.
8. You will compare yourself as a mom to other moms (even though you know you shouldn't).
This is a tough one. I definitely don't want to be the type of person who's always wondering if I measure up but sometimes it's hard. You see other mamas and can't help but wonder if their life is really that perfect. Always cooking dinner (hi, I just made a frozen pizza). Always cleaning the house (does wiping down the counter count as cleaning the house?). Always making it to church and on time (we may or may not have driven to church and realized we were SO incredibly late, we turned right back around). Always getting their babies to take naps (grrrrrrr). Always doing cute projects (still trying to print out some photos for frames in Brayden's room that we've yet to even hang up). I sometimes think that's a downfall of social media - you see all of the perfect things but not the messy things. Who wants to post messy things about their life? But we've all got them. I've shared several of mine in this blog alone ;-) And if you've ever felt this way then you should read THIS. God knew he wanted me to be Brayden's mommy and that should be all that matters.
9. You slowly but surely begin to feel more confident
I've been working with kids since I was just a kid myself. I started with little "mommy's helper" projects where I would just go watch someone's kids while they stayed at home and cleaned or cooked or whatever. I really have always felt confident when it came to my experience with children. Until I had Brayden. I became my own worst critic, always wondering if what I was doing was right. There is something soooo different about having your own child that nothing in the world can prepare you for. Just the other night (after a rough day) Kevin and I were talking about how none of our friends probably understand why we don't make as many plans, or why we're late, or why we cancel, or why we're picky about times we are available, etc. People say they understand and try to be supportive but to fully grasp it, is impossible. And it's totally understandable, I was the same way. I thought I understood the way a life changes when becoming a parent, but I really had no idea until I became one. And even though lots of times I'm so confused and hoping I'm doing things right, I have slowly grown more confident in my role of being a mother. You begin to realize that you have done a few things right. You realize that your baby is growing and is healthy and happy. You see that you've managed getting up at all hours of the night for months and you remember back to the first week when you felt like you would never make it one month, let alone 6 months. Things get easier and the confidence grows. Just keep swimming...
10. Just when you think you can't love him anymore....you do
There have been many times when I just stare at Brayden and wonder where all of this love has come from. It's like no other. I love my husband deeply. I love my family with my whole heart. I love and cherish my friends but the love that is felt for your child is impossible to describe. I still can't even fathom all of the love I am able to pour into this baby boy! I often daydream and think about what he will be like at 1 year, 5 years, etc. I love that sometimes when he cries all he is wanting is for me to snuggle him close and rock him. I love that when he sees me in the mornings I get the biggest grin and giggle and screams of excitement. He's excited to see ME. What an amazing feeling. I love that my voice gives him a sense of peace and calm because it's the only voice he has truly always known since he was formed inside of me.
Becoming a mommy has been the best and absolute hardest thing that has ever happened to me. Brayden is approaching 6 months of life so I know I've still got a lot to learn. I know that every stage of his life will bring new challenges but being a mom is like nothing else in the world. Here's to all the years (and lessons) to come! :-)
